If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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