Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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