I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
