i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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