i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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