Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
