please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
