I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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