just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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