bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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