just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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