Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
