Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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