having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
