Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
