Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
