I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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