So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
