The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
