alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
