I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
