you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
