What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
