If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
