I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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