Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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