....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
