I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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