pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
