9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
