He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
