We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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