we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
