I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
