It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
