I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
