hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
