I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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