Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
