So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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