Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
