Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
