oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
