Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
