can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
