I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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