how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
