He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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