I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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