he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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