Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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