im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
