Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
