Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
