I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
