Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
