I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
