I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
